Relationship Archetype
Dysfunctional Libertine
Freedom for me, but maybe not for thee.
You love the idea of having romantic or sexual freedom for yourself, but extending that same freedom to your partner is a different story. You prefer to color outside the lines while keeping your partner firmly inside them. This is not only unfair, it is also unsustainable. Your growth will require more self-awareness, dismantling your internalized entitlement, and probably a lot of therapy.
What this might look like
- You may feel excited about pursuing outside romantic or sexual connections but experience jealousy, insecurity, or resentment when your partner expresses similar desires.
- You might rationalize different rules for yourself and your partner based on differences in gender, sexual experience, attachment, or perceived emotional risk.
- You might frame your partner's desire for autonomy as threatening, disrespectful, or evidence that they don't love you enough, even when you expect them to respect yours.
Your relational superpower
If you got this result, it at least means you have the courage to examine an uncomfortable truth about yourself. Recognizing an imbalance in your expectations is an opportunity for real growth. Self-awareness is where accountability begins.
Questions worth exploring
- What makes my freedom feel different from my partner's freedom?
- What fears, insecurities, or assumptions are underneath my double standards?
The tension
You cannot build an ethical non-monogamous relationship on a foundation of unequal autonomy. Your partner isn't an accessory to your freedom.
Relationship styles that might work best for you
A quick note: No relationship style will resolve an unwillingness to practice reciprocity.
- Monogamy: A mutually agreed-upon exclusive relationship while you work on understanding your expectations and insecurities.
- Monogamish: Potentially, if limited flexibility is genuinely mutual and freely agreed upon.
- Open Relationship: Something to explore only when you're prepared to extend the same freedoms to your partner.
Words of hope
You are not doomed to repeat your current patterns. You can learn to tolerate discomfort, challenge entitlement, and develop the emotional maturity required for reciprocal relationships. Your partner’s freedom isn’t a threat to your relationship, but an invitation to find harmony.
You don't have to be perfect to grow, but you do have to be willing to do the work.